i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
