It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
