i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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