He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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