im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
