mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
