Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just threw up on my dentist
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
