I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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