I'm going to jail i love you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
