he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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