Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
