Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
