Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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