u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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