Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
