im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This house was built for laser tag.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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