I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
