The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
