I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
