I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
