Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
