Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
