My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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