when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
