Plan B is the new Plan A
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
