I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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