I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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