pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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