i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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