hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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