What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
