Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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