I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
