I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
