I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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