her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize