did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
