we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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