Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just tell him i said nine months

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  (630): just tell him i said nine months http://tfl.nu/oqo8
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (3841)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he should get drunk with us

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  (610): walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant (1-610): he should get drunk with us http://tfl.nu/datt
  Replies (20) Good night (5399) Bad night (760)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahaha how?

  (954): View more from Florida

  its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery

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  (954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi (425): hahaha how? (954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery http://tfl.nu/yw6o
  Replies (22) Good night (4335) Bad night (787)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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  (386): Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland... http://tfl.nu/taw4
  Replies (9) Good night (5864) Bad night (1153)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

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  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (13) Good night (5577) Bad night (1276)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.

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  (813): She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus. http://tfl.nu/fd89
  Replies (19) Good night (7463) Bad night (1327)
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  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3277) Bad night (1193)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

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  (780): We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150. http://tfl.nu/ontt
  Replies (20) Good night (2005) Bad night (2763)
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  (510): View more from California

  You did a strip tease for the toilet.

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  (510): You did a strip tease for the toilet. http://tfl.nu/5nns
  Replies (6) Good night (2499) Bad night (1154)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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  (904): whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry. http://tfl.nu/s428
  Replies (3) Good night (1524) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I just found it. I hope it leads to food.

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  (302): Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm... (302): I just found it. I hope it leads to food. http://tfl.nu/w6o4
  Replies (7) Good night (1957) Bad night (743)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.

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  (253): He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/0nhv
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  SEX BINGO!

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Canadian or clown?

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  (701): SEX BINGO! (1-701): Canadian or clown? http://tfl.nu/877n
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.

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  (701): Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5. http://tfl.nu/g6zt
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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  (408): I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes. http://tfl.nu/ob7s
  Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (347)

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