If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"