I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability