Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.