I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened