She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.