It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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