Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
