grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize