holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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