i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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