K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
