party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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