The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
