Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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