Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
