I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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