I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
