So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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