You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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