I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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