Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
