1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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