if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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