So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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