dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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