We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
