he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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