dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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