When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
