Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
