It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
