bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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