bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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