What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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