i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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