I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
