How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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