I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My pussy is not your playground.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
